


It's Come to This?

by TheShatteredRose



Category: Disgaea 5: Alliance of Vengeance
Genre: Gen, Humour, Oneshot, just a humorous skit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 07:35:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20254519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShatteredRose/pseuds/TheShatteredRose
Summary: The request to stand guard outside the baths by his warrior teammate was an unexpected request for Killia. Equally unexpected was the battle with a perverted ninja that soon followed.





	It's Come to This?

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a humorous skit with Killia and a couple of my characters. Had to write it. Too much fun not to. Enjoy~

“Hey, Boss? Can I ask a favour of ya?”

Killia immediately turned in the direction of the voice. Though he didn’t need to lay eyes on the demon that called to him to know who it was. Samuel, the purple-haired warrior, was the only one that referred to him as Boss. In an endearing manner, at least.

He was the first demon Killia had hired. He was happy to be of help. And he had been through every battle since. Ready for battle at short notice. He had been a great asset on the battlefield. Off it, too.

It was, however, not common for the warrior to ask for favours.

“Hm? What is it?” Killia asked.

“Well, it's kinda awkward,” Samuel started as he rubbed the back of his neck in a slightly awkward manner. “But I kinda need you to stand guard in front of the baths for me.”

Killia was honestly surprised by the request. “Why?”

Samuel’s expression unexpectedly turned dark and he dropped his arm to his side. “Cpt Chop Chop,” he hissed.

Killia was only half surprised at that reaction. Samuel got along with everyone. Everyone but him. “The ninja?”

“The guy's a paparazzi,” Samuel practically spat. “He's been chasing me around for ages in hopes of getting some of those scandalous pictures so he can put them in that dirty magazine of his.”

Samuel paused for a second. No doubt attempting to reign in his anger. He sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. But as he did so, he winced. “I can't remember the last time I was able to relax properly,” he revealed as he idly rolled his left shoulder. “And after that last battle, I need to get the ol' muscles to relax, ya know?”

Killia took a moment to carefully study the demon before him. And he could see that Samuel was telling the truth. He appeared tense, stiff even. Worn out and tired.

“I see,” Killia said before he became curious. “Why me, though?”

Samuel blinked, genuinely puzzled. “Huh? Why not? I trust ya, ain't that enough?”

At first, Killia wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He trusted him? No questions asked. No hesitation in his response. He trusted him. Out of everyone.

Huh. For some reason that really got to him.

“I guess I could help you out,” Killia returned.

And the smile on Samuel’s face was bemeaning. “Aw, Boss, that's great! Thanks so much!”

Killia felt a small smile tug at his lips at the other demon’s enthusiasm.

Samuel continued to express his gratitude as Killia escorted him toward the baths within their Pocket Netherverse. As they walked, Samuel told him a few stories about Cpt Chop Chop’s persistence. His indignation at the ninja was palpable.

“Don't let anyone else but Vince in, ok?” Samuel instructed when they reached the baths. “He's a good guy.”

“Sure,” Killia simply responded.

“Thanks again, Boss!” Samuel said cheerfully before he turned and disappeared through the doors that led to the baths.

Killia then turned his back toward the entrance and looked out. He glanced around idly as he folded his arms loosely over his chest.

He had to admit that he wondered if Samuel was just being paranoid. He had heard about Cpt Chop Chop’s magazine. And about his dedication to getting rare and “exquisite” photos. But surely, he wasn’t using actual stalking tactics? And he wasn’t willing to stalk someone into the baths, right?

Killia was pulled from his thoughts when he felt someone approach. He looked over to find a marital artist. Grey-white hair, blue jacket. It was Vince. The second demon that Killia had hired just as the Rebel Army was in it’s fledging state. He, too, had been through every battle since. Working closely with Samuel.

Only…

He moved to step in front of Vince as he headed toward the baths. “Hm? You?”

Vince paused to regard him curiously. “You can let me through,” he said. “Samuel told you about me, yes? I'm Vince.”

Killia narrowed his eyes. “...No, you're not.”

He then threw a punch at him.

He managed to hit him square in the chest. And as his fist made contact, Not-Vince unexpectedly disappeared in a puff of smoke. As Killia pulled back his hand, a shadowy figure leapt backwards from the smoke and landed crouched on the ground some feet away.

As he waited for the smoke to clear, Killia glanced over his shoulder to ensure that no one had snuck up behind him before he turned his attention forward once more. And there was Cpt Chop Chop. Just like Samuel had feared.

Cpt Chop Chop stayed in his crouched position for a moment, no doubt sizing Killia up before he abruptly stood tall. “You saw through my clever ruse? I see I have quite the formable opponent on my hands.”

Killia blinked before he frowned. “...You're really trying to get that photo, huh?”

“Of course!” Cpt Chop Chop exclaimed without hesitation (or shame) and with fire burning in his eyes. “Do you have any idea how much money I could make with that photo? I'll print limited edition copies. The centrefold would be the censored version. Those thirsty fanboys and fangirls would pay more for the unedited edition. I'd be rich. Rich I tell you! Richer than I already am. I will become the richest demon throughout the entire Netherverse!”

As Cpt Chop Chop’s rant progressed, Killia felt his eye twitch increase in speed. “...I have the really strong urge to punch you in the face.”

“I have that effect on demons,” Cpt Chop Chop replied calmly, and with a sagely nod of his head.

The urge to sigh in exasperation was strong. “That's not something you should be proud of,” Killia retorted before he shook his head and pulled his body into a defensive stance. “In anycase, I won't let you pass. Even demons should have morals.”

Cpt Chop Chop unexpectedly held his chin in a musing posture. He even made a humming noise in an attempt to appear as if he was considering something important. “This scenario is the perfect gossip fuel, I must admit,” he stated. “The one and only Sir Killia bravely guarding warrior Samuel's chastity. My faithful readers are sure to love it.”

Killia wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He had never had the pleasure to read that “Nether Gossip Magazine”. He had heard about it. But never seen it. And from what he just heard; he didn’t want to know what was in that magazine.

No wonder Samuel wasn’t thrilled with the idea of being the centrefold.

“But I must have that photo even more,” Cpt Chop Chop stated in a firm voice as he readied himself for possible (more like inevitable) battle. “You can either join dear ol' Samuel in that bath so I can get an even more scandalous photo, or I will not hesitate to strike you down here and now.”

Killia took a second to consider his options. And this time he couldn’t prevent himself from sighing aloud. “...It's really going to come to this, is it?”

“I see,” Cpt Chop Chop muttered, his eyes narrowed. He suddenly clicked his fingers. “Prinnies.”

As several blue prinnies twirled and waddled into view at Cpt Chop Chop’s command, Killia raised a questioning eyebrow. “Prinnies?”

“He pays more than Miss Seraphina, dood,” one of the prinnies answered simply. And, really, that was all that needed to be said.

Killia couldn’t really fault a prinnie’s way of thinking. “To be fair I think anyone would. Either way...”

A suddenly spike in power caused Killia to forget what he was about to say and he turned his attention to Cpt Chop Chop once more. And he had to admit that he was surprised to find him already in full revenge mode.

Wait…there was something else.

“Wait, are you an overlord?” Killia found himself asking, extremely puzzled.

Cpt Chop Chop folded his arms over his chest and nodded his head. “Indeed. Overlord of Nether Gossip Magazine.”

Overlord of a gossip magazine…Sure, why not. Not the strangest thing he had encountered.

Killia sighed once again before he pulled his body into a battle stance. “I’ll make this quick.”

… … … … …

That battle lasted a little longer than Killia had expected.

He kinda felt sorry for the prinnies. They were just doing what they had been hired to do. But he had to wonder if they, too, were complicit in Cpt Chop Chop’s…business, as it were. They fought surprisingly valiantly. So, their paycheques must be impressive.

Which was somewhat concerning. How much money was that ninja gaining through the sales of his magazines?

Either way, Killia wasn’t about to let Samuel down. So, he did what needed to be done.

Cpt Chop Chop dramatically spat out a mouthful of blood as he wiped his chin with the back of his right hand. “This is not the end...” he muttered before he collapsed to the ground, face first, and became completely still.

Killia spent a moment to stare down at the near-corpse on the ground. He had to admit that he did find a small bit of pleasure finally punching the perverted ninja in the face. But…

He sighed loudly while his shoulders sagged from sheer exasperation. “It really came to that...”

A battle. With prinnies. In order to stop them, and their “overlord” from sneaking into the baths to take photos.

Cpt Chop Chop may not have been an actual Overlord, but he certainly fought like he was. He was a determined and dedicated paparazzo.

…Killia really didn’t want to know how much money he had thanks to his magazine.

“Hey, Boss?”

Killia straightened his posture and turned around to find Samuel behind him. He appeared fresh out of the baths, and looked a lot more relaxed then he was before he went in.

“Thanks for guarding the place,” Samuel said with a big smile and genuine gratitude in his voice. “I really appreciate it. I haven't been able to relax like that in a long time!”

“Ah, sure, no problem,” Killia replied.

For some reason, hearing the true gratitude in Samuel’s voice made the battle he had just endured worthwhile.

The smile on Samuel’s faltered after a moment and he tilted his head to the side in question. “Hm? Hey, Boss; you need to use the baths, too? You look kinda tired there.”

Killia briefly wondered if Samuel could see the mangled corpse. Or if he was simply ignoring it. “It's nothing,” he replied before he felt silent as a thought occurred to him. “But...I guess now would be a good time.”

Samuel nodded his head in approval. “Want me to stand guard?”

A half smiled twitched onto Killia’s lips. “I don't think that will be necessary.”

However, that smile faded when he heard laughter behind him. Soft, muffled laughter. Smug laughter. And he immediately knew who it was.

He turned his head to look over his shoulder, just as Cpt Chop Chop pushed himself, menacingly, to his feet. And took on a purely power stance.

“Fufufu. Fools. You think they can get rid of me that easily? How can I when the ultimate prize is right in front of me?”

Samuel bristled while Killia sighed in exasperation. The guy was tough, he’d give him that.

He’d also happily give him a kick in the ribs. Or three.


End file.
